Seeds

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The last few days have been some of the hardest days of my life, but we are so thankful for our faith, family, and friends. An unexpected source of encouragement has been this CD, Seeds of Courage. It is a entire CD of scripture set to music and it is wonderful!! It was given to us as a gift for our daughter, but it's not typical, purple dinosaur children's music. It's drums, guitar, great singing, really good music that J and I love, along with the kids.

We have been playing it in the kitchen while we cook and eat dinner for the last 3-4 weeks and all of us are memorizing scripture through it. I don't know about your house, but late in the afternoon/evening is often the hardest time of day around here. No matter what my attitude is, when I start this music, I immediately feel better as I listen to these songs of God's word an and am reminded of his love and promises to me and my family. I dare you to buy them and see if you can stay in a bad mood and if your kids stay grouchy during dinner.

It is called Seeds of .... because they use it as a seed to spread God's word. Each CD case actually comes with 2 of the CD's in it and a dividable case. That way you keep one and pass one on to someone else. I think $12.98 is a bargain for 2 CD's and the benefit of my family being transformed literally before my eyes through it. The only reason I even know about it is by a friend giving me their extra CD. It can be ordered here. There are 4 other albums: Seeds of Faith, praise, power, and encouragement. Go buy one or all of them (which is what I did 2 days ago) and make sure to pass on your extra CD.

As for updates on sweet brother, we don't have much new to share yet. He has done well over the weekend. His pain medicine is controlling his pain very well. He is sleeping a lot and the only time he is upset is when we change the diaper and dressing. It looks like it is making progress to us, but we'll see what our doctor says tomorrow. We are praying for mighty healing from God, as we know only He is able to do, and for a full recovery without scarring or the need for surgery. Thank you for calls, emails, words of encouragement, and especially your prayers. I will try to update tomorrow after our visit.

Little Man Needs PRAYERS!

I'm sitting here trying to think where I should begin. I was planning on posting about our recent trip to Arizona, or a late Mother's day post, or how we had an early 1 year birthday party for this little man with some family that will be out of town on his birthday. Instead, I am desperately asking for your prayers and that you would ask others to pray for him.

Poor little guy has had some bad diapers {what we call cha cha around here} this week. A friend was watching him and he had terrible blow out mess in the crib while he was sleeping. She went to put him in the bath, tested the water twice before putting him in, and set him in the tub, but didn't plug the drain. In just a matter of seconds she put the diaper in the trash and grabbed a towel off the rack. When she turned back to him the hot water had come through the pipes at that point and was hot enough to burn him.

We immediately got him to the ER and were treated in the burn unit and told it looked like a second degree burn and would probably take 10-14 days to heal, but may get worse over the next few days. We took him back today and in fact, it was worse. Now they think it could actually be a third degree burn. We initially thought it would mean 2 miserable weeks of our poor baby in pain as we would have to do multiple dressing changes a day since he is in diapers, but today were informed he could need skin grafting. We were utterly devastated by that. Our doctor said we will have to wait until Monday to know what the likely outcome will be. It could heal on it's own within 10-14 days with little to no scarring or it could be to the point that skin grafting is indicated.

Please pray that God will work mightily and heal him without scarring or the need for surgery. I know my God is bigger and more powerful than I can even imagine and we have already seen His hand in this tragedy. We are thankful that the drain wasn't shut and the burn is only on the right buttock. It could have easily been all over his bottom, legs, hands, feet, or anywhere if he had tried to crawl away from the water. We are also thankful that the diarrhea is much better, reducing the risk for infection and how often we have to change the dressing. Also, amazingly enough, the only time he really seems uncomfortable, or is fussy, is when we change the dressing. He is on pain medication, which makes him sleepy, and he is sleeping most the day and night. This helps his pain level, but also helps that he isn't moving the area and pulling on the dressing.

We do have specific prayer requests

1. As above, for healing. That God would quickly heal him in a way that would clearly show His power. That it would heal on it's own without scar, surgery, or infection.

2. That the diarrhea would resolve. Again, as above, it would reduce infection risk, help with dressing changes, and make him more comfortable.

3. Wisdom for our doctors and nurses. Much of burn treatment is decided by opinion as to what the best healing methods are and what treatment is indicated. Pray God would give them clear wisdom to know the best treatment for him.

4. Pray for J and me. We are experiencing so much guilt right of now of "what if we had done....." I think hindsight we both feel ways the situation could have ended differently and we are torturing ourselves with those thoughts. It has also been a long week in general-we had to have our chimney repaired, our garage flooded on Monday, and before we went to the hospital for our follow up appointment today we had a plumber here to repair ALL the toilets in our house. Of course, all these are minuscule in the big picture, but are certainly not helping my sanity right now.

Thank you so much for your prayers. We are so thankful for the friends and family that have come around us and supported us at a time when I feel I am on on the verge of physical and emotional collapse at any moment. Meals, words of encouragement, prayer, and the many other ways you have served us have meant more to us than I can express in words.

Most of all, I am thankful for a God that heals, that is all mighty, wise, and powerful, and that only He is able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine. I am thankful that He understands the heartache of watching His son in pain. As we are told all throughout the gospels, He is powerful to heal with just a touch of his cloak or one word from his mouth. Please, please pray, ask others to pray, and if you have blog (and wouldn't mind) ask for prayer there as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Hebrews 4:14-16 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Jeremiah 17:14 Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.

Psalm 34:17-18 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Home

We are home and the day went incredibly well. From the great to the small details, God was faithful, as He always is. Thanks for your prayers. I'll share more tomorrow, I'm off to bed.

Psalm 117

Praise the LORD, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples.
For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD.

Anxious

Tomorrow is the big day to take Av to the hospital for her surgery. I'm quite familiar with the OR, but I'm going to be on the other side this time. We have to be there at 10 am, which surgery will hopefully start by around 11-12. I think one of the most challenging parts is going to be keeping her without food or drink all morning. Av is ready to eat breakfast IMMEDIATELY after she gets up in the morning. We have told her that she can't eat/drink anything until after she sees the doctor and she accepted it well tonight, but we'll see how that goes once the situation is actually here.

I'm trying not to be too nervous. I wanted to sleep with her in my arms tonight, but I knew that it would be better for both of us to get a good night of sleep. I have also have tried to remind myself that I am not in control, no matter how much I think I am, but that God is. She is His more than she is mine and His love for her is beyond mine, even though it's hard to comprehend anyone loving her more than I do.
He loves her more than I do
He loves her more than I do
He loves her more than I do
Please say a prayer for us and if you want to mention it on your blog to get others praying as well I would really appreciate it! Thanks, and I will let you know how everything goes once we are home.

Ephesians 3;17-19
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

1 Peter 5:6-7
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Change

Change might be the one word that best sums up the last year for us.

• Jonathan and I have both had job changes-at times not by our choosing, causing large swings in our "expected" income.
• We sold our house and moved to a different city
• My brother got married
• We found out that I am pregnant

There are others that I could add to list, but these are the major points. Some of this is change that we sought out and desired, but other parts of it were unexpected {our future son was planned, if you're wondering :)}. I think I've decided that all major change, even wanted change, can be stressful. The last few weeks have been especially difficult and I had a couple moments of breakdown recently.

I was blessed to be in a fantastic Bible study while in our former city and one thing my teacher frequently stated was that it's hard to complain when you have an attitude of thankfulness. I've tried to take this attitude recently, and focus on the many, many blessings that I have in my life, instead of the circumstances that I'm not so fond of right now. We are blessed with wonderful friends and family, we have transportation, food, health, freedom, a (generally) safe country to live in, shelter, and countless others

This thought process did make me thankful and helped to alleviate my stress level, and although I do want to be thankful for all these things and keep an attitude of gratefulness, there is part of this thinking that is flawed in a sense. All of that above list is conditional and could change by the time I am done writing this post. Instead of being thankful for the effect, I need to be thankful for the cause, a God that is constant, unconditional, and unchanging. He is the only thing that I can place my trust and confidence in and that can give me peace. I do not want to take the gift for granted, but first and foremost, my focus needs to be on the giver.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Toddler Wisdom

About 6 months ago J and I started trying to introduce Av to faith and God. She loves to sing the song "Jesus loves me." We pray together at meals. I think my favorite time with her is in our bedtime routine when we read from her children's Bible and pray together. This is the time of day that she is (somewhat) still and she wants to snuggle with us, cuddled up with her blanket while she holds my hand. I hold her in an almost cradled position, as if she's a baby again-sometimes she even asks me to sing rock-a-by-baby.

I know that this routine is important, teaching her the importance of regular, hopefully daily, time in prayer and God's word, but I also wonder how much of it does she grasp? How do I explain to a 2 year old that her only hope is in Christ's death and resurrection and that we are dependent on grace that we don't deserve? Recently, I have been able to see a glimpse of what she is taking from these moments.

Last week we read about Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I often wonder what Av is thinking while we're reading. Sometimes she is jumping in the bed, talking to me while I'm trying to read, flipping pages before I read anything on it, or quoting lines from "Monster at the End of This Book" instead of listening to what I'm reading.. Well, last night I discovered I'm not giving her enough credit for how much she is listening. While picking out what we were going to read, she asked "are we going to read Jesus washing feet?" My heart melted.

Another instance happened a couple weeks ago while we were praying. For our prayer routine I turn out the lights, put her in her crib, and she asks to hold my hand. I started out praying and Av finishes prayer time by saying "thank you" or "God bless" for whatever her list is that day. It could include friends, family, rain, the park, the pool, and all the other topics a 2 year old ponders. This particular night she started a usual prayer list and ended with "thank you for 'Jesus loves me.'" What else could I add to that? I had to agree with Av. Yes, Lord, thank you that you love me when I have done nothing to deserve your love and grace.

Ephesians 3:14-21
For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

What's Your Name?

Av is staying with my parents this week. Today I got an update from my mom on how the week is going and the funny Av stories. This one is my favorite. Av is currently into full names-her full name, my full name, J's full name-you can see where I'm going here. According to her my full name is my first name, her middle name, and our last name. Here' the conversation between Av and my mom.

Av: What's your full name?
Beba: States full name
Av: What's your full name again?
Beba: States full name
Av: What's your full name again?
Beba: Giraffe Elephant
Av: No! It's ZEBRA elephant!!!

How is she that stubborn and that confident about something that is completely wrong?

A recent, similar conversation
Me: Are you giving the ball to Allie (our dog)
Av: Yes Mommy, I'm giving it to she.
Me: Av, you should say "I'm giving it to her."
Av: No Mommy, I'm giving it to SHE!
Me: Av, you're giving it to her
Av: No Mommy, I'm giving it to SHE!

I have a side of me that is proud of her for her independence and gumption. The other part of me is quickly developing wrinkles and frown lines. It also makes me think that this is often what I sound like to God, since I tend to be a stubborn and stiff-necked individual myself. How many of my thoughts and feelings should be likened to nonsense rantings of a 2 year old? Probably a lot..sigh. I have always heard people say that by becoming a parent I would appreciate God, the Father, in a way I never had before. It just never occurred to me that in this new found realization I would be playing the role of the toddler.

Little Ones

If you are reading this and think about it today, please pray for a 2 year old girl named Hannah Grace. She was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor. She has already undergone multiple surgeries and her biopsy has come back that the tumor is malignant (cancer). She is in surgery today at Children's Hospital to try to remove as much as the tumor as possible and they are expecting it to last 6-8 hours. She will soon begin chemotherapy and radiation. You can read about her here. I can't even begin to imagine what she and her family are feeling and experiencing right now. Please pray for her healing, wisdom for the medical staff, and the comfort and peace only God can give. Thank you.

Psalm 77:13-14

Your ways, O God, are holy.

What god is so great as our God?

You are the God who performs miracles;

you display your power among the peoples.

Strength for Today

I've been meaning to post this for a few days now and just haven't gotten around to doing it. For one thing, being vulnerable on a blog is easier since it's not out loud and feels much like writing in a journal, but harder because I'm opening that journal up for anyone to see. In an electronic form of communication I'm always afraid it's more difficult to express yourself since people can't see your face and hear your voice. I hope that any posts I write about faith and what I'm learning don't come across as "preachy." Please know, I'm not writing this because I have the answers about it, but only because I'm struggling through the process of learning it myself.

Lately I've been reading, A Godward Life, by John Piper. What I love about it is that each chapter is a few pages long, and on differing topics, so it reads like a devotional book. I love Piper's writing. Even though it's concise, it is also full of wisdom and theological truth that my mind goes back to throughout the day. If I ever live in Minneapolis, we will probably go to his church, Bethlehem Baptist-even though we consider ourselves Presbyterians :)!

A few days ago I read pgs 25-27 titled "Today's Mercies for Today's Troubles" and I have reflected on it since. During this period of changing jobs and uncertainty in front of us, it has been a firm foundation for me. I wanted to share it since so many of my friends and fellow bloggers are in stressful times as well. The main scripture is Matthew 6:34 "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." The surrounding verses Matt 6:25-34 are also excellent: ""Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Piper says "Often we feel like our reservoir of strength is not going to last for another day. The fact is, it won't. Today's resources are for today, and part of those resources is the confidence that new resources will be given tomorrow." As Lamentations 3:22-23 states "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Piper's description is "God's mercies are new every morning because each day has enough mercy in it only for that day. This is why we tend to despair when we think that we may have to bear tomorrow's load on today's resources. God wants us to know that we won't. Today's mercies are for today's troubles. Tomorrow's mercies are for tomorrow's troubles."

His final point reminds us of the Israelites and God's daily provision of manna. Each Israelite was instructed to take as much as was needed for that day. If they tried to save it for the next day the manna was rotten and full of maggots. If today I think how will I make it through tomorrow, next week, next month, etc...I can't get through tomorrow on what God has given me today. I have to wait for the mercies/strength/manna that He will provide for me tomorrow to face the tasks of that day.

How well He knows us (me). We are (I am) too independent left to our own choosing and pride. We have been created for a continual need and dependence on Him each day, every day. Thank you Lord that you know not only tomorrow, but also every day. That when the time arises, you provide the strength needed for that day, even if I don't have that strength today-because I don't need it today. In a sense, when we feel we can't face what the next day holds, that's a correct thought. We can't face what the next day holds until that day. Help me to use what you have given me today to the fullest. May I be expended at the end of each day, not trying to hold your strength and mercies in reserve-that it would necessitate dependence on you as I wake each morning.

No Mommy!

Av was cracking me up today. Lately she has become soooo independent. I often hear "let Avery do it! Don't help momma!" That's right, she talks about herself in the third person. My mom just laughs at me and tells me I'm getting what I deserve since I frequently told her "I'll do it myself!" when I was Av's age. She thinks she can do it all on her own. She wants to get water out the door spout on the fridge, feed the dogs, cook, take her shoes on and off, change clothes, swiffer, vacuum, and many others. It's very cute. Some of it is actually helpful, other "activities" make quite a mess. I think she has also decided that if she can't do something, neither can J and I. Recently she has gotten in trouble a number of times for taking contraband items off counters and especially J's desk. She decided to play a little role reversal today. I was looking in J's desk for a receipt when Av ran up to me and said "Mommy! Don't touch Papa's desk!" Then she ran into the kitchen, opened a utensil drawer and got a spatula. She returned to the office with the spatula and said "Mommy, you need a spank!" She then proceeded to pop me on the leg with the spatula and say "Mommy you be nice! Do you understand me?! Say 'yes ma'am'!" I think I remember someone telling me that your kids are a good reflection of your own words and actions. It was absolutely hilarious. It was one of those moments as a parent that I knew I shouldn't laugh, that I should explain I am the parent/authority, she doesn't talk to me that way-or spank me for that matter, but I couldn't help it! I started laughing. This, of course, encouraged her and throughout day I heard "Mommy! Do you understand me? Be nice to Av!" I love this age, it's so fun.

Unfortunately, I think I'm going to have to take her to the pediatrician in the morning. She has a few bumps on her leg that at first I thought were bug bites, but they're getting larger and one of them is hard. To make matters worse I called a pediatrician friend of mine and he said it was probably either bug bites with a bad reaction or a skin infection like MRSA. Great, it's either nothing or possibly the worst bacteria she could get. AArrrgghhh. Yet another thing to deal with this week. Lord give me the strength, as I know only you can. I'm comforted by the fact that I know God is good, He loves us, and has a plan for us. So for those of you praying out there the request list is now; Brian's family, job for Lindsey, Av's health and healing. Thanks for the prayers and support.

As for the job, I did have some forward progress today. I contacted a number of places for job possibilities, so we'll see where everything ends up. We're continuing to try to trust God and His sovereignty. I know that He will direct my paths and that He has the next step for us.

Mommy, is that you?

I woke this morning and for just a second it seemed like a "normal" day, and then yesterday's occurrences came rushing into my head. I am now unemployed and Brian is still gone. I wanted to stay in bed and eat bon-bons all day, however that's not feasible with a 2 year old :). I guess it's not very beneficial either. I suppose a good part of the day is that I got a lot of work done around the house b/c a.) I didn't have a job to go to and b.) it somehow felt better to at least be doing something. I know, in a sense I'm just distracting myself, but it was with something productive. I did choose against spending the day at Dairy Queen or Target-does that count for anything. I have too many thoughts swimming around in head to write anything cohesive at this point. Please continue to pray.

Av "helped" me around the house today. We, of course, played dress-up. We also had some sweet time together when she cuddled in my lap this afternoon after her nap and we watched some of The Sound of Music. It did make me think during the "Favorite Things" song when Julie Andrew sings "when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad." I know that thinking about raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens probably won't get me anywhere today, but I can choose to focus on God. His goodness, love, and grace. There are countless questions I don't have the answer for, but I know He does.

Here was the "highlight" of my day. While watching the movie my laptop was next to us with these on the screen. Av said, "Mommy, do you have a black dress on?"
Yes, I know it was from a 2 year old, but I'll take being confused with Gwyneth Paltrow today. Photo: splash news.

Where to begin?

Today has been quite a rough day. This morning J's mom called to let us know that one his closest childhood friends, Brian, died yesterday. He was a civilian on his 3rd tour in Iraq and there was an explosion by the vehicle he was in at the time. He was supposed to come home next month. If you live in Bham you might have heard this mentioned on the news. Brian was married with 3 children-I believe they are 12, 9, and 5. I can't express how much my heart aches for this family. I can't begin to understand what his mom, siblings, wife, and children are experiencing. Please, please pray for them. I pray the children would continue to experience a father's love from God. I pray for Becky as she raises 3 children without Brian. There are so many questions of why and how that I know only God has the answer for now. It's hard to comprehend how much pain and suffering there is here on earth. How it makes me long for heaven. These words on suffering have been helpful.

A couple hours later I received a phone call that the company I work for is being dissolved tomorrow! I have only been with them a few months, and knew this was a risk since it's a start-up company, but it was still quite a shock today. I have spent much of the afternoon on the phone, looking into job possibilities. Which job? Where? Are we going to stay in Dothan? Do I look for jobs in Birmingham or elsewhere? I know there many jobs out there, this just isn't the way that I envisioned myself looking for my next job.

At first I thought "keep things in perspective." I could be dealing with far worse than a forced job change. That is true to an extent, but then I thought the answer isn't that the situations are different/easier. The answer is that my God is the same. In all of this God is good. He is always faithful and always sovereign. Only in Him will there be rest for your soul and peace that transcends understanding. He is our strength, stronghold, and a refuge in distress. He is our redeemer and sustainer. He gathers his flock in his arms and carries them close to his heart. This has certainly been a week of highs and lows, but I am thankful God is constant.

Psalm 62;5-8
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

All You Need is Love....

I have had one of those weeks that everything I'm learning in Bible study, church, readings, etc is all tied together and I wanted to share. In women's study we are doing a book called Get a Life by Vicki Courtney-(thanks Alicia!). This week it was on God's love, and that ONLY HE can give that love. It touched on that we often look to our husbands for what only Christ can provide. Of course it doesn't have to be a husband (hello idols), it can be wives, friends, children, activity, material things, etc. I am so guilty of placing expectations and demands on J that he could never meet..leaving me mad, him frustrated...can you see the vicious cycle forming? No matter how much he loves me, supports me, is my knight in shining armour, is my fix-it man, and all the other wonderful things he is to me; I remain in absolute, desperate need for Christ. In Christ alone do we find complete (Col 2:9-10), perfect (1 John 4:17-18), immeasurable (Ps 139:17-18), unconditional (Rom 8:37-39), eternal (Ps 136) love. I am just sinning, pulling myself away from God, and hurting myself (and others) when I look elsewhere for what only He can give. He alone is my sustainer, redeemer, deliverer, salvation, contentment, peace.......the list is too great to write here. The final part, duh, was that relationships, including mine with God, take work and effort....and I'm pretty sure God has covered his side of it. I know this isn't rocket science of Christianity, but it is certainly too easy to distance yourself from it...like 40 years in the desert. This kicked my butt this week, thanks for listening/reading.
"In HIM you have been made complete" Colossians 2:10
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! " Romans 7:15-24 Preach it Paul!! Amen!